The Ten Commandments for night bus travellers.

  1. Thou shalt not snore. Especially if you’re sitting behind me, which you usually are.
  2. Thou shalt not answer your mobile phone at 3am. And you certainly won’t put it on to loudspeaker.
  3. Thou shalt not fall asleep with your hands above your head, dangling above my crotch. You know who you are…
  4. Remember a plastic bag for stinky shoes. Putting them on the luggage shelf does not disguise the smell.
  5. Honour the toilet. Lift the seat if peeing from above and urinate in the toilet, not around it.
  6. Thou shalt bring carry-on luggage to fill only your personal space. Not the entire shelf and the foot space of the passenger next to you.
  7. Thou shalt not play music on your mobile phone out loud. Not even if you can only sleep after listening to Bob Marley’s ‘One Love’ repeatedly.
  8. Thou shalt take care when walking along the aisle. Sleeping passengers are inclined, through no fault of their own, to leave small bits of limbs there.
  9. Thou shalt not suffer from involuntary spasms. Kicking the seat in front will always be seen as a personal affront.
  10. Thou shalt not covet thy fellow passengers’ property; thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s seat, nor his wife, nor his daughter, nor his snacks, nor his arse, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s. Stealing and groping are absolutely unacceptable.

Got any suggestions for other rules night bus passengers should adhere to? Or nightmare night bus experiences? I want to hear them!

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