Elton John and the bison ballerina

Bison approaching, Riding Mountain National Park, Manitoba, Canada

You’ve heard of dairy farmers playing music to their herd to relax them into squeezing out more milk, right? It’s old news. Well, I just met a bison bull with a penchant for Elton John’s ‘Tiny Dancer’. We were driving through the Lake Audy Bison Range in Riding Mountain National Park, Manitoba, keeping our eyes … Continue reading

If only…US border guards would swap jobs with park rangers

Here’s my proposal: US border guards and park rangers swap jobs for a week. Channel 4 should take this up as one of their quality fly-on-the-wall documentaries…

Travel hair trauma

Dear Reader, you will, I know, be nothing less than thrilled, delighted and relieved to hear that my hair returned to its bouncy, shiny self as soon as we battled our way past those disagreeable border patrol guards and arrived in the United States. My bonce has had a traumatic nine months, losing sight of … Continue reading

Sometimes, the hardest thing about travelling is other travellers…

Who you’re with can make or break a trip. Everyone knows that. You choose your travelling partner carefully and you respect them, just as you expect them to respect you, if you have any self respect, that is.

What makes travel harder are those travellers you don’t choose to travel with, yet end up in the company of, forced to listen to their drivel until your ears bleed.

Welcome to “authentic” Nicaragua: a muse on inverted travel snobbery

A rant against travellers who insist on seeing the ‘real’ or ‘authentic’…

A rant about endless chatter

The view from the minibus I travelled in from Cariari (gateway to Costa Rica’s Tortuguero National Park) to La Fortuna (for viewing the lava flows of Volcan Arenal) was pleasant enough. But utterly ruined by the constant rabbiting between the driver and two other passengers.

The Mosquito Riddle

Persons A and B are locked in a room overnight. So are some mosquitoes. Person A is smothered in insect repellent. Person B wears none. Person A wakes up with bites on toes, ankles, hands and face. Person B has none. Guess which person I am.

The Ten Commandments for night bus travellers.

When booking tickets, potential passengers should be asked if they snore, fill out a criminal record check and have mobile phones banned. Here’s my list of ten commandments everyone who has ever travelled by night bus will agree with.

Feel free to add your own!